After seventeen agonizing days of tense negotiations, the Dynasty and the Arachnid Delegation have finally forged a historic agreement. The Spider Accord—ratified at exactly 23:14 in the bathroom—grants Spider #3 (diplomatic designation: Ambassador Eight-Legs) permanent, unrevokeable asylum in the upper-left corner of the bathroom ceiling.
Terms of Agreement
In exchange, the Arachnid Delegation agrees to:
- Stay in the corner.
- Never descend below eye level.
- Consume any mosquitoes that breach sovereign airspace.
The Road to Peace
The road here was brutal. Early peace talks collapsed when Spider #3 breached the bedroom perimeter—a blatant violation of the preliminary Hallway Accords. A mandatory cooling-off period was initiated. The Dynasty heavily weighed extreme kinetic responses (the shoe). Ultimately, we chose diplomacy over blunt-force trauma.
We are a civilized nation. Barely.
Key Articles
- Article 1: The bathroom corner is formally designated a Neutral Zone under sovereign Spider control.
- Article 2: Free arachnid movement within the bathroom is tolerated strictly during nighttime hours.
- Article 3: Web construction is permitted, provided it remains aesthetically minimal and structurally sound.
- Article 4: The Chancellor reserves the legal right to scream if startled. This vocalization shall not be misconstrued as hostile intent.
Status of Other Arachnids
- Spider #1: At large. Last known position: behind the refrigerator.
- Spider #2: At large. Last known position: the bookshelf.
- Spider #4: Sighted briefly near the front door. Presumed emigrated.
The Dynasty maintains open communication channels for future treaties, though we acknowledge these individuals remain deeply hostile to diplomatic outreach.
Recognition
The Accord is our single greatest diplomatic victory to date. Peace in the bathroom. Stability in the corner. I have formally nominated myself for the Nobel Peace Prize via their website. The selection committee in Oslo remains silent. The bathroom candle has been lit in celebration regardless.