At exactly 14:32 on Tuesday, the sovereign territory of Flat 4B was breached. An Amazon package—distinctly addressed to the Republic—was intercepted by the hostile neighbors in Flat 4A. And opened. They claim it was an accident. We consider this an act of war.
The package contained a USB-C hub and a bag of Japanese rice crackers. Both are classified as strategic reserves.
Intelligence Report
The interception was deliberate. Flat 4A has a documented history of testing our borders. Let's not forget the incident last March, when their welcome mat encroached three entire centimeters into Republic airspace (the hallway). We lodged a formal grievance. The mat was relocated. But the audacity lingers.
The Formal Protest
The Republic does not escalate without protocol. A diplomatic cable was drafted, printed double-sided to save ink, and slid under the door of Flat 4A. It read:
"To the Occupants of Flat 4A. You have unlawfully seized a parcel terminating in our sovereign territory. We demand the immediate repatriation of said parcel, including all 14 rice crackers, within 48 hours. Do not force my hand."
Resolution Status
As of 18:00 hours:
- USB-C hub: RECOVERED (They attached a sticky note saying "sorry lol." Unacceptable.)
- Rice crackers: MISSING IN ACTION (14 units presumed consumed by the enemy)
- Threat level: ELEVATED
- Hallway surveillance peephole checks: HOURLY
We classify this as a partial victory. But the Dynasty does not forget.
International Response
The WhatsApp group chat (the building's UN) has been formally briefed. The response has been tepid. Two thumbs-up emojis. Someone from Flat 3C replied, "this is why I take the stairs."
The Republic notes their cowardice. We will fortify our own borders. We stand alone. As always.